July 2015

New ideas ~ A good book ~ And, writing appetizers

5 Ways Quitting FB
Helped Me Focus

(And get control of My Life again!)

Recently I felt that “pull” from Facebook.

Each time I opened it, I was compelled to read this or that. Or, post this or that. And, I didn’t like what it was doing to me: taking my focus off my goals, work, and spending quality time – in person – with those I love.

So, I disabled my FB account.

Some friends and family congratulated me. Others were disappointed. I apologized, but I needed to cut distractions out of my life. Facebook became a HUGE distraction – I let it take control. And suck me in…temporarily.

What I realize now (after just three weeks) is how much that simple act allowed me to focus more on my work, the people I love, and the things I enjoy doing.

And, frankly, I don’t think I will reactivated my account – other than to delete it completely.

So, here are 5 Ways Quitting FB helped me redirect my focus and gain control of my life again.

Number 5: I am no longer forced to view things I would otherwise choose to avoid.

From news stories to advertisements to friends’ and friends of friends’ posts, I have no control over what I see when I log into FB.

Whatever pops up after I log in…I am forced to see. Even if it’s a horrific news story. A video – that automatically starts playing – with images that disturb me. Or, a cute baby with a booger hanging out of its nose.

While I enjoy seeing pictures and hearing about the joys of my relatives and friends, and their acquaintances and near acquaintances – and their acquaintances, there is plenty I don’t want to see.

Number 4: All of my social interactions are no longer for public viewing.

Each time I log into FB, I open myself up to chatter – all of the chatter. And, people can see that I’m “there” because of the little green dot by my name.

Then there’s the newsfeed and that little box in the top right corner updating you each time one of your friends interacts with someone else – and constantly updating you about who’s liking what.

Sure, I can hide it (if I can find the setting), but … also my actions are still accessible – to really everybody…

Anyone of your friends or their friends’ friends (and God knows who sitting near them) can see everything I like, comment on, or posts friends have commented on. And what if I don’t want my acquaintances to see a post I liked about my cousin’s baby? Or, a congrats to an old college friend?

Number 3: I no longer see posts I WISH were kept private.

We’ve all been in this situation publically … and on FB.

There are people – wonderful people - who share things SO personal I feel like I’m in their bedroom with them. Frankly, this over-sharing makes me very uncomfortable. Even though no one can actually see me feeling uncomfortable, I am.

Number 2: No more instant messages … especially on my cell phone.

First, I did like the instant messaging feature on FB. It can be helpful to contact someone - quickly. (Again, because of the green “I’m here” dot.) But, I’m really glad the app’s removed from my phone…

The biggest reason… when you use the messaging app, your green “I’m here” light is constantly on. And, as a feature, FB tells everyone how many minutes it’s been since you were last active.

Anyone of my friends (or someone who wanted to be my friend) could instant message me … and it went straight to my personal cell phone. Any. Time. Of. The. Day. I’d get a “ding” on my phone.

It was a direct line to me… that almost anyone could have.

I particularly didn’t like getting FB messages while I was sleeping. Or, trying to work throughout the day. Or cooking. At one point, I felt like I was at the beck-and-call of my cell phone. Ding. Ding! Ding-DING!

So glad it’s gone.

Number 1: Quitting FB made it easier to let go … of curiosity

Curiosity… you know that it killed the cat. Adam and Eve got into trouble with it too … and FB fosters it.

“Hmmmm, wonder what so-and-so is doing 20 years after high school? Are they still with so-and-so? How many kids do they have? Do that have a FB account? Let me check…”

FB encourages you to connect with ALL of them! Even, if it doesn’t make sense. Or, is inappropriate.

There is a natural flow in life. This includes the coming and going of people and things we love. Some leaving is welcomed… others not so much.

You may have had a stellar senior year trip with a best friend, but twenty or thirty years ago that person chose a profession or life different than yours. They remember the time. It was fun. But you’ve both moved on and haven’t spoken in years.

That doesn’t mean you don’t love them. Nor does it mean you no longer appreciate the time and the fun you had together. It just means your road went left and his or hers went right. And, that’s okay. It’s life.

By leaving FB, it is easier for me to move forward and keep curiosity at bay.

Because, I must focus on today.

What’s important to me is developing relationships I love and doing so in person, through the phone, Skype, a letter, or email.

In this month’s recommended read, author Brene Brown says humans need connection. She says Facebook and other technological devices make us believe we are connected to people – real people – when in fact we are not connected in the way we need to be.

Relationships are fostered more with personal interactions. FB is a tool to communicate… it certainly helped me find and stay in contact with beautiful people I want in my life. But it will never replace the caring human voice, a hug, a smile, or an experience with these people.

Which is why I’m so happy to have let go of FB. I love how it connected me with some friends I lost touch with. However, I think it did its job. So now, I’m moving right and letting FB go left.

Remaining in the “dark ages” …

All the Best,

Serena

Book Recommendation

I came across this book by accident while doing some research on grounded theory (a type of qualitative research method) and this book appeared in the search list. I’m so happy it did.

Author, Brene Brown (PhD), worked with one of the original grounded theory founders– Barney Glaser. Her research focuses on shame and specifically the things that get in the way of experiencing joy in life. She particularly addresses how people don’t discuss the things that get in the way of joy.

According to Brown, we (as Americans) put high importance on being independent, i.e. not asking for help. At the same time, we love helping others. However, we fail to ask for help when we need it ourselves. She says, we need to do both. We have to give to others but also receive help from them with an open heart.

Brown shares her own struggles with asking for help – because she too was the “helper” in her the family. She would help her siblings and other family members with their crises but she would never ask them for help.

“Love and belonging are essential to the human experience” (Kindle location, 475). She found in her research interviews that the one thing that separated men and women who felt love and belonging in their lives was worthiness.

We must feel that we are worthy of love and belonging – and of asking and receiving help. She says the challenge is that we must believe we are worthy now. Not when we lose 10 pounds, get that job, have that child, or get out of a relationship…but now.

In the first part of book, she discusses how shames gets in the way of our joy – and gives very useful pertinent examples. Often, she shares how she let shame affect her life in very personal ways. As a reader, you feel like a Brown is speaking directly to you.

The rest of the book helps you discover shame and guilt in your life and teaches you how to redirect your behavior to help you live in a way that is authentically you – and joyous. She titles those chapters “Guide Posts.”

This book is really about helping you allow yourself to be you – imperfections and all.

To me, that’s worth more than the price of the book – a million times over.

Whet Your Writing Appetite
with these . . .

HOT and FRESH writing appetizers –

1. Create a theme character and write a FB profile for him or her. (And, perhaps a few FB posts.)

2. What was your best or worst FB experience?

3. Think of an “imperfection” you have. Describe it – share about it. And, write how it is truly a gift or a blessing in your life.

Note to New Subscribers: The writing prompts can be used in the classroom or for creative free writing. Enjoy and be creative!